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Previously on "Yin/Yang"
The Facts on Larry Ching
May 2003

'Better Luck' This Weekend
April 2003

Old Memories, a New Museum
March 2003

'Twixt Teen and Michael Jackson
February 2003

In a Confused State of Mind
January 2003

In the Trenches with Trent, Jon Lovitz, and Johnny Rivers
December 2002

The Pioneering Performers of The Forbidden City
November 2002

A Letter to Writers, and How the Wiest was Won
October 2002

A Singing Career? I Think Not.
September 2002

Sheryl Crow: All She Wants to Do is Have Some Lunch
August 2002

Bruce Springsteen: Still the Boss
July 2002

Commencement Speech at Thurgood Marshall College
July 2002

A Senior Moment and a Reunion with a Pop Star
June 2002

We Love New York, Part 2002
May 2002

A Flick, a Rock Fantasy, and An Alternative to the Laptop
Apr 2002

March Madness, the Musical, and a Joint Effort with Willie Nelson
Mar 2002

Bringing in 4700 with a Parade of Wild Horses
Feb 2002

Taking a Q from Quincy Jones - It's His Party
Feb 2002

Asian American Males on TV: Old News is Bad News
Dec, 2001

Life's Lessons from a DJ and a Songwriter
May 2001

Gawk and Roll at the Hall of Fame
Apr 2001

Shakin' It Up at Harvard
Mar 2001

Creole Ladies and Crazy Times Down in New Orleans
Feb 23, 2001

A Parade of Dragons, Lions, Serpents -- and Strippers?
Feb 5, 2001

Yin/Yang

Dear Nancy: Why are men more interested in CHASING girls rather than COMMITTING to girls? - PLAYER HATER

Nancy Says: Men are more interested in chasing girls because they like what they can't have. They woo, wine and dine a girl, until she falls for them, and once she wants something more solid, they are off to the next one.

Guys like to have relationships with girls that are fun, and exciting, but once the word commitment comes into the picture, they freak out and automatically think that the girl wants wedding bells to ring next week.

The idea of commitment for many men means the end of their bachelor lives and the end of fun. But, this doesn't have to be this way, just find the guy who loves you for who you are, and realizes that you are worth the commitment.

Paul Says: While there are a lot of guys out there who are just playing the field, there are just as many men who are big oncommittment. I have many personal buddies who have been dating the same girl for five years or more. Just as there are more flavors of ice cream than vanilla, there are more types of guys than players out there.

Perhaps the first step towards finding a committed guy requires some self-examination on your part. Ask yourself why you meet the type of guys you do. You know what they say: birds of a feather flock together, so maybe it's time to look elsewhere. Try new types of social activities or group hobby, but my advice is simple: if you keep on getting burned by the men you hang out with, it's time to start looking in different places.

Don't expect to follow the same old patterns and have a knight in shining armor appear out of nowhere to rescue you. Take control and change the situation to lead you to the kind of places committed men might gather!

Dear Nancy: Why are men so indecisive about what they want, especially between the ages of 22 - 26? Women are around to support them and not to cause them mental anguish...why can't they understand that?! - Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused: When it comes to women, men will always be indecisive until the end. They want a girl that is beautiful, intelligent and fun, and they want that girl to only date them, BUT they are more than happy to scope out the crowds for another beautiful and fun girl.

They think that when we are concerned and want to look after them, that we are trying to suffocate and torture them, and take all the fun out of their lives - this is just a common male thought.

When men get older, late 20's early 30's, they usually are more mature and have been around the block and by then most realize that they can't just womanize for the rest of their lives if they want to find a loving, trusting relationship with a woman and to have and raise a family.

Do be careful though, there are some men, that never get into this stage and are lifetime Hugh Hefners. These aren't the men we want! You just have to find the guy that isn't afraid of an independent thinking woman and wants a wife as a partner rather than just a doormat or trophy. You should be appreciated for the person you are in any relationship. You know when you have a good guy, is when he takes care of you when you are sick AND when you are healthy. Older and more mature men want the best for their significant others and what's best for the relationship. If you find yourself with a guy that just likes you when you only at your best, and shows you off as eye candy to his friends, then you know it's time to go! When your guy's friends actually try to be YOUR friend, you know it's a good sign! In the end, trust your intuition, a woman's gut feeling is always the best.

Dear Nancy: Why are most men (primarily ASIAN) intimidated by INDEPENDENT women and I don't mean a radical FEMINIST)? Isn't that a plus? - Independent Asian Woman

Dear Independent Asian Woman: You have to realize that some Asian Men were raised by subservient Asian women who treated their sons like princes. Their mothers praised, pampered and focused all their attention on their ever so brilliant boys and in turn, inflated their egos and taught them that this was the way that ALL women should treat them.

The idea of an independent women, who is not like their mothers scares them. They see that women are not weak and most of all, not dependent on men to take care of them. This idea is a shocker to some men, and they just don't understand.

I would think a man would love a woman who can take care of herself, have a successful career and balance a good social life, but this sign of power threatens the need for men, which makes men uneasy and not willing to date these "Power Women."

If a man can't accept that you have goals and aspirations that you can achieve on your own, then you don't need that guy. As always, there are many, many, fish in the sea that will love the independent woman in you.

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